Grump, grump...

Hmmm... I've decided I don't really like this blogger. I've updated and saved my profile several times and it still doesn't remember any changes, it's made me download all sorts of programs to enable me to upload pictures but it doesn't explain how to actually do it, and the help section is pitifully low on help....

Ah well... I'm sure I'll learn....

Est

I hope this works...

Hello...? Testing... One, two, three... Is this thing on...?

Ah, there we go...

So, hello everybody, and welcome to tonight's meeting of Alcoho... I mean the Kili 5. Thanks to Andy for organising this and to Steve for mixing the drinks. I'm very excited to be here tonight amongst such a special group of people, especially since I'm a very inexperienced climber, yet you're letting me tag along. I hope we can make the most of this blog to share tips and experiences, to get to know each other and prepare together for this experience of a lifetime. Don't be shy - we want to hear from all of you...

So without further ado, please welcome our next speaker of the evening!

Definitely fat

See the previous article for some fit v fat context!

It's Thursday night. Should be the 7:30 circuits session, bizarrely called Fruit Loops, at Charterhouse gym

Called Mrs M as I made my way home through the mean streets of Soho. Sore throat. Cold. Cough. She's bailing out. No commitment. How does she think we're going to get up Kili with that attitude?

Waterloo. Mayhem. Failed train, dodgy points, lost driver, wrong type of cold...whatever. Some disaster or other in the Havant area has paralysed the whole South West Trains network. Great

I just about managed to squeeze into the last carriage on the 18:00, like a masochistic sardine sliding into an oily grave

Shuffling into the middle of the coffin, I found a tiny space next to a short Asian girl with plaits, a sweaty suit clutching some crumpled tulips for the missus, and the bike rack. Nice

Struggled to read the Evening Standard as it fluttered precariously between muddy spokes, wilting petals and Oriental scent, and as the ageing back began to complain about the twisted stance

The guard is surprisingly chirpy, announcing with monotonous frequency and possibly a sadistic irony that this is a special service, calling at every station from Waterloo to the south coast. I think he means this country. And he's definitely winding us up when he trills that he won't be able to pass amongst us for the usual ticket inspection. He knows that if he did, his life expectancy would probably be shorter than Wayne Rooney's fuse

The happy mood is interrupted by a kerfuffle as we trundle through somewhere near Surbiton. Train rage? No...an elderly lady seems to be in some distress and close to collapse, waving her arms around in some strange new trainbound distress signal. Even if she could force her way through to the inner sanctum of a carriage, the chances of a commuter conceding a hard won seat are probably about as high as a Lib Dem politician being honest about their sexuality or drinking habits. But a very kind younger lady near me - not the plaited one, the one who had been giggling uncontrollably down her mobile a few minutes ago - beckons her over and manages to procure from somewhere a few gulps of water at the bottom of a warm Evian bottle

It's not the most dignified solution but the arm-waver is soon folded over the toilet seat, the door held open to allow some stale air to circulate as she mops drops of sweat from her furrowed forehead

A few minutes later and she's throwing up. The perfect end to the perfect commute

There's finally some respite when most of the sardines hurl themselves out at Guildford. The puking has run its course and the shaking has picked up the slack as the lady eventually manages to find a seat, muttering claustrophobia as I wish her luck and slither out at Godalming

As I struggle up Holloway Hill, Fruit Loops is definitely off the agenda. I reckon that an hour's sprint to and from the office, an hour standing up during the Journey from Hell, and 15 minutes of icy hill climbing are more than enough Kili exercise for today

Besides, I need to look after Mrs M. Honest

And as I mentioned before, apparently it's no good being too fit for the assault on Kili - you need to take it slowly (pole pole in Swahili) - so best not to peak too early, then, or overtrain

And what is it they say... feed a cold? That healthy pasta and salad stuff can wait. In the spirit of storing away some fat to energize the long 7 day slog up the Machame trail, we're soon gorging ourselves on fish and chips, accompanied naturally by bread and butter, oodles of salt, vinegar and ketchup, and large mugs of tea. With sugar

I know the Kili attempt is just over a year away but it's not too early to try and sort out the fit v fat balance, is it? Fat 2, Fit 1 - home win

Fit or fat?

It's 6:30 pm....the 6:15 from Waterloo is rattling through darkened suburbia en route to Godalming on a freezing Tuesday night. Incredibly, it's on time

Damn. That's one escape route gone

Too cold? It's already sub zero outside and very tempting to go straight home into the fug of the central heating, like wrapping yourself in steaming cotton wool

Mrs M will be waiting at the station, so I can't play the car's tucked away in the garage card either

Nothing else for it...I suppose I'll just have to go to the gym with her

Gill's New Year resolution is holding up well, considering it's nearly February. We joined the gym at Charterhouse immediately after our tough Christmas warm weather and rum punch training in the Caribbean, and she has got into the routine of the Tuesday night aerobics-step-boxercise class and Thursday night circuits, despite a heavy workload

She's good like that. Focused. Unwavering. She really wants to get fit enough for skiing in March first, and especially to strengthen the leg that was trampled on by a large horse in 2004. Kili fitness is a distant objective and I doubt that even she can keep up the current routine for over a year....

Me? Going to gyms is a bit like Parkinson's Law in my mind. You can have a list of 15 things to do and it will always be nudged down to number 15, possibly 16, even if you'd really like it to be right up there in the top 3

I started off with good intentions. You know...had a programme mapped out by the instructor (thanks Julie), meticulously followed it a couple of times and even went swimming for a bit of non-impact toning (yeah, right)

10 days and foot-throbbing gout, wrenched shoulder and neck muscles, and a stinker of a cold later, it's all gone a bit Pete Tong already. What a great start. Just as well there's over a year to really fine tune the programme

It's not like I'm that unfit anyway. I've been pretty disciplined, by my admittedly flexible standards, in already cutting out the endless cups of coffee at work, the odd sticky bun or bacon butty on the way in to start the day right, half a tube of Pringles after staggering off the train in the evening, and that irresistible couple of mini Twirls from the goody jar to round off supper

But - be warned if you're not there yet - gravity really kicks in past 40. And that is a long way in my rear view mirror already. No matter how much sport you play, no matter how healthily you eat week in week out, no matter how much you've cut back on the lager...one little slip and - BANG! - that tyre thing has reappeared around your middle

For years I had a 32" waist. It's slipped to 34" now and, worse, I'm on the last hole of the belt after a spontaneous few pints and a curry. I can hear 36" screaming in my ear..or at least I would if my hearing wasn't fading too

Anyway, we never used to have gyms, did we? Or nutritionists, or spas, or treatments, or Pilates. Do you think Nobby Stiles and the gang did all those stretchy things, warmed up and down and laid off the chip butties in 1966. I don't think so. "Here, Jack, how many lateral pull downs did you do before the Argentina game?"

I'm having an assessment this Saturday. To measure my VO2 apparently (shampoo rating?), the BMI % (airline appraisal?) and body fat, amongst other things. I'll use it as a benchmark to see if my programme over the coming months actually does work...assuming there's a Twirl quotient built in, of course
Besides, it's comforting to hear that people who are too fit - and who suffer from the exuberance of youth - stand less chance of conquering Kili because they exert too much energy sprinting up the mountain and get poleaxed by the lack of oxygen at altitude. More about the technicalities of Acute Mountain Sickness later, but maybe, just maybe, there will be an advantage in being on the brink of 50. Pole pole - slowly slowly - is apparently the constant Swahili mantra from the guides and porters, exhorting you to conserve your dwindling resources as the air thins

We'll need a decent (extraordinary?) climbing fitness, of course, and a tip-top aerobic capacity, but otherwise it sounds like it isn't necessary to track Lance Armstrong's regime. And presumably a bit of fat reserves to energise you through that last punishing summit day will come in handy, so maybe the next 13 months might not be quite so deprived, after all....

Yes, but which way up?

(Kili climbing routes taken from EWP website)

Choices, choices, choices - not always a good thing, eh? After I'd got hooked by the idea of trying to climb Kilimanjaro and started doing some research, I was soon a little overwhelmed by the sheer number of options for different aspects of the adventure. And that was just the initial decisions, well over a year before the trip

Which outfitter (trekking company) to go with? Local in Tanzania? UK based? Savile Row?

What time of year? Avoid the rainy seasons, obviously, but the autumn climbing window...or the winter one?

Do a commando-like raid, straight in and out (and hopefully up and down) - but that's against all the advice, or do a warm up acclimatisation climb of Mount Meru or Mount Kenya first?

Just target the Kilimanjaro assault...or get distracted by add-ons like exotic Zanzibar or a thrilling safari?

I'll come back to some of these haunting dilemmas later but the most intriguing choice seemed to be....which route to take? As the wobbly stick insect diagram shows, there are quite a few trail options. And each one seems to have its pros and cons, its supporters and detractors, its risks and rewards

Many thanks to Henry Stedman, author of Trailblazer's excellent Kilimanjaro guide, for his great summary of the trails (briefly described below), both in the book and in person at the recent Daily Telegraph Adventure Travel Show (the photo is a bit fuzzy but Henry's not)

THE MARANGU ROUTE - also known a little scathingly as The Coca Cola Route, this sounded like the softest option. Unlike the others it's hut-based, rather than camping out under the African sky. But it's usually done without the benefit of an extra acclimatisation day so the chances of summitting successfully are apparently reduced a little. No thanks

THE RONGAI ROUTE - the only trail approaching the Kibo summit from the north, via Kenya. Nice and quiet, with a drier climate and away from the crowds until the final summit session. But I was a little bit unsettled by Henry's comment: because of its proximity to to Kenya this route is also prone to the occasional foray by opportunist bandits from the Kenyan side who indulge in a little light larceny, before escaping Tanzanian jurisdiction by hot-footing it back to their homeland again. Hmm...easy to see why it's not quite so popular

THE UMBWE ROUTE - sounded like very tough going: the hardest trail, a tough vertical slog through the jungle with again reduced opportunity to acclimatise properly. But quiet and offering some spectacular views, not seen on some of the more popular trails. Tempting, but probably a bit demanding for someone half of my advancing years

THE (ALAN) SHIRA PLATEAU & LEMOSHO ROUTES - the approach from the western side of the mountain, perhaps the least popular trails, mainly because of the difficulty involved in getting to the start of the them. And I read a few scary tales of the need to cross glaciers at some stage that sounded just a tad more stretching than the gentle stroll I had envisaged. And I think it was from this approach that just a few weeks ago 3 American climbers died after a major rockfall. Probably not, thanks

THE MACHAME ROUTE - a popular trail, considered one of the most enjoyable, tougher than the Marangu Route but offering better acclimatisation chances, if only because of the longer distance. Beautiful scenic paths and returning down the Mweka Route, giving you different views to savour as you hurtle back down, euphoric or deflated. Hopefully alive to experience an appropriate emotion anyway

---

On balance we've gone for Machame, thinking it would be quieter as it's a little longer and tougher, and the variety sounds entrancing. It was a little disappointing when Henry said last week that this is now the most popular trail, but he did confirm its beauty and reckoned that the volume of climbers soon dissipates, a bit like the fall-out from a marathon in a greenhouse. That's comforting then

A separate article will follow on the different climatic zones encountered during the climb, as well as which Outfitter we're going with and an outline of each day's trek. I'll also post some more information on sponsorship options and details of where I'm hoping that any funds raised will go to in Tanzania, thanks to World Vision

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before

(Mae West)

The Kili 5

As I mentioned in the first Kili50 BlogPost, I've found 4 other hardy souls up for joining me in the Kili Challenge in February 2007.

The original invitation went out to a much larger group of family and friends but, after an initial surge of conditionally positive responses, enthusiasm waned as I pressed for a commitment. As expected, a deadline for hard cash for the deposit sorted out the sherpas from the shirkers.

Excuses ranged from dodgy knees to not able to commit that far ahead to washing my hair that week and is it covered by the life assurance policy?

For anyone still wavering it's not too late...but very soon will be. Our group with Explore is leaving on February 23, 2007, will be a maximum of 16 and is already over half full.

Anyway, the committed sherpas - The Kili 5 - are briefly as follows, with more colour to come from everyone over the coming months.

---

Me. Andrew/Andy/Smarm (thanks, Doug) Morris (I'm the one on the left with my Canadian lobster chum)

Age: rapidly approaching 49. Impossible.

Motivation: to conquer Kili before I hit the big 5-0 and to raise funds for World Vision projects in Tanzania (see separate posts and the link on the right hand side to sponsor me online)

Job: Foolish CFO

Health: suffering from gout, allergies, old age, fear of heights and open spaces, and a chronically bad back...otherwise in rude health

Experience: gentle strolls in the Surrey Hills and on friendly mountains in the Italian Dolomites, French Alps, Corsica, Spanish Asturias and Pyrenees, Canadian Rockies. Climbed The 3 Peaks a few years ago...but nothing to compare with Kili

Summit odds: 25-1

---

The missus. Gill/Gillian Morris/Mrs M

Age: a scarcely believeable 43....44 in February 2006

Motivation: not wanting to miss out; addicted to mountains

Job: owner of South Minster Kitchens, a fast-growing kitchen design company in Surrey (call 01483-424657 or email Mrs M on gill.morris@hemscott.net for a no obligation chat) end of advertisement

Health: completely recovered from a very bad horse accident in 2004...rebuilt by Pilates and The Royal Surrey Hospital. Now more like a 34 year old

Experience: as for Andrew...and she has also walked up a lot of stairs at Fitness First in Godalming

Summit odds: 2-1

---

Steve Morris/Neph#1/Lardy Boy (the mixologist on the right hand side with Neph#2 Dave)

Age: 21 in February 2006.

Motivation: a love of mountains, and never known to say no to any invitation

Job: telecomms salesman...duck to water

Health: recovering well from a 4 month diet of Fosters, McDonalds and 24 hour parties in Australia and New Zealand a couple of years ago

Experience: Duke of Edinburgh trekking around the UK, The 3 Peaks, epic trip to Kygrystan...and the Sydney Harbour Bridge on his 19th birthday

Summit odds: evens

---

Jon Wallis/Spider/Tarantula

Age: 42

Motivation: it seemed like a good idea when Andrew suggested it. And it's high time I did something more "serious" than sitting in front of a computer and watching TV. And the idea of having climbed the highest peak in a continent really appeals (although the idea of pulmonary oedema doesn't)

Job: Foolish customer service guru

Health: generally sound, except for the 12" of titanium in my left leg. And the bad back.

Experience: I've done a lot of walking in the past - Snowdonia, Lake Distict, Yorkshire Dales, etc - including quite a lot of winter stuff (Snowdon Horseshoe, Helvellyn/Striding Edge). I've been rock climbing on-and-off (but more off) since 1997 - mainly at The Roaches (Peak District), and N. Wales (Snowdonia, Tremadog), plus some indoor stuff in Bristol. I've also done one season in the Alps, based in the Täsch-Randa valley, near Zermatt, which is in the Wallis Canton of Switzerland, so it seemed appropriate!. Routes included a traverse of the Balfrin, and climbing the Weissmies. However, I'm now rather less fit - and a good deal heavier!- than I was back then (although I aim to be somewhat fitter and lighter by this time next year). At least Kili won't need crampons and an ice-axe. As you can see, Jon is a bit more experienced than the rest of us amateurs

Summit odds: 4-6

---

Esther / Eszt Horvath-Papp

Age: 26 by the time we climb Kili

Motivation: I am a self-declared “wuss”. I’m lazy, I get hungry and cold easily, I don’t have a very high tolerance for pain, I give things a go and if they don’t work – well what the hey, I can live without it, and I generally prefer to just curl up in bed and catch up on some sleep. So, my motivation to climb Kili is... erm... just to do something different for a change. This is going to be an incredible journey for me, both physically and mentally, especially if I manage to make it to the top. It’ll also give me an opportunity to indulge in my hobby of photography, get to know a bunch of crazy people and to experience something to tell the grandkids about

Job: wannabe solicitor

Health: my health is ok, but fitness is another matter... that is something I’m going to have to work on over the next year and a bit (join the club)

Experience: I am originally from Hungary, the highest point of which is a staggering 1014m, so let’s just say that I’m not a natural mountaineer. Of the Kili 5, I’m by far the least experienced. I do not recall a single mountain I’ve climbed in my life, and I’ve never done more than a day’s walking. I hope to get at least some hill-walking practice in before we go.
Apparently beginners tend to do well on Kili because they take things slowly, so let’s just hope that that will apply to me

Summit odds: a racing certainty

---